N E V E R . . .
You NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant.. Ever. It is beyond rude & extremely disrespectful.
I can’t even tell you how many times people have asked me if I was pregnant when I wasn’t, but I can tell you what I thought about when they asked me…
- Sitting on them and crushing them with my apparently pregnant looking fat ass.
- Threatening their life.
- Bursting into tears to make them feel bad.
All good choices.. I usually respond with “nope, I’m still fat from my first pregnancy, but thanks for bringing it to my attention!”
The look on their face is priceless.
Let’s discuss the reasoning for people to think it would be acceptable to ask such a rude question, and which situations it may be ok to ask in…
1. You see a woman you do not know who looks pregnant..
It is so crazy to me that people could really ask about something so personal as creating a human life in their body, to someone they do not even know. BUT IT HAPPENS. I am living proof.. I have had random strangers ask me how far along I am.. My response was “How far along in what?” Like what are you referring to? How far along am I in the new Kardashian game? How far along am I in life, I am 25… How far along am I WHAT?! Oh.. You meant how many months am I in my pregnancy, well I’m not pregnant.
It is NEVER ok to ask a woman if she is pregnant.
To these people I would like to ask, how far along are you in your etiquette courses.. They seem to not be working.
2. You see a woman you know who looks larger than the last time you saw her so you think she is pregnant..
First of all, a baby is an exciting and terrifying thing. Not only would a woman you know want to tell you if they were from their excitement, but they could also not want to tell you if they have had complications in the past or if it is too early to speak about it. Having said this.. WHY would you ask her? If she is and you don’t know it is because she doesn’t want you to know yet. On the other hand, If you ask and she is not.. You look like a tool. Don’t put people on the spot..
Again I say, it is NEVER ok to ask a woman if she is pregnant.
3. You see a woman waiting on-line for food rubbing her stomach.. or asking for a seat in the subway..
Ever hear of a cramp? Maybe I am just hungry.. Apparently I look like I eat well! What if it was just a habit I picked up from actually being pregnant in the past? Rocket science I tell ya..
Ever hear of a long shift at work? I used to be exhausted from work after I had my son when he wasn’t sleeping through the night yet (until he was 13 months he woke up every couple of hours god help me) I worked and was non stop being a mom.. Sometimes I am tired, I am human.. Is that a crime? I’ll never forget I was on the bus and a guy offered me his seat. Nice right? Yea.. Until he replied to my “Thank You” with “Of course, a woman who is carrying a child should never have to stand.. How far along are you?”
THERE IT IS AGAIN. “How far along are you?” Seriously dude?
Carrying a baby? O. K.
I responded saying “I actually left my baby at home, the fat I can’t get rid of that easily unfortunately” His face looked like he had morning sickness.
& Again I say, it is N E V E R ok to ask a woman if she is pregnant.
Now, I know people mean well.. But there is just no reason to ever ask.. Unless you see me walking out of my 8 month gynecologist appointment eating pickles and ice cream with my feet swollen and my breast milk leaking from my shirt, Don’t ask.
Actually.. Do not ask me at that point either because I probably have not slept in 5 months (8 if you they had “morning” sickness the way I did because it was non-stop nausea) because I am uncomfortable and have to pee every 3 minutes, so I am most likely and rightfully so super cranky.
Oh & do not EVER touch a woman’s stomach.. I have had people come up to me I don’t know and rub my stomach.. Really? How rude is that!? Pregnant or not that’s my body you are touching.. If I know you and especially if I don’t know you, do not touch me!! What do people think, you are pregnant and you become like public property? It is insanity! I get it, you want to feel the baby kick, it is an amazing thing, but ask first jeez!
Now, back to what to say to a woman.. How about “Wow, you look great today!” How about that!?
“Wow, You look great today” Works if the woman is pregnant or not.. Maybe she is preggo and you telling her she looks great makes her happy.. Maybe she isn’t but she is trying to lose weight, you telling her she looks great will make her happy. You won’t risk having anything thrown at your head in either situation..
Let’s try it out..
‘Random woman on like in burger king..’ … “Wow, You look great today!” “WHY THANK YOU KIND STRANGER, YOU MADE MY DAY” Boom, perfect.
‘Woman you know but have not seen in awhile..’ “Wow, You look great today!” “WOW THANK YOU I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT, I APPRECIATE THE COMPLIMENT” Perfect.
Are we seeing the pattern here? A little compliment goes a long way, and can spare your life from an either hormonal pregnant woman or a pissed off woman who is not pregnant feeling disrespected.
So to conclude, I urge you to replace “How far along are you?” with “Wow, you look great today!” in every situation.